Say-So: Partners and Age Differences

Response: Age makes no difference, and the rules are the same for men as for women.

John — Wed, 16 Nov 2005 00:25:16 -0500

I guess the true answer is what do YOU think. If you dont’ mind dating someone much older then don’t worry about it. You love him, so go for it. I have had that problem myself, however I’m gay so its with another man. I prefer older guys and have always dated much older usualy 10 yrs plus. I have recently decided that I should try to date someone around my age, same place in life, same problems to face, same goals or same things that we are working for, such as a house possibly or getting a career. Things like that are important to me. SO I for me it is an important issue it should only be up to you if it is an important issue, and no one else but you. Whatever makes you happy.

Response: Age makes some difference; anything past 10 years should raise a serious caution, but it doesn't matter whether the woman is the older or the man is older partner.

abc — Wed, 16 Nov 2005 01:49:39 -0500

I’d say it isn’t so much the explicit number of years as it is the “where you are in your life” difference… someone well into their career and adult life is in a very different place from someone who just graduated from college who is in a very different place in their life as someone who just graduated from high school.

Response: Age makes some difference; anything past 10 years should raise a serious caution, but it doesn't matter whether the woman is the older or the man is older partner.

Matt — Wed, 16 Nov 2005 03:05:32 -0500

Response: Age makes some difference; anything past 10 years should raise a serious caution, but it doesn't matter whether the woman is the older or the man is older partner.

person — Wed, 16 Nov 2005 03:48:26 -0500

I agree with abc.. also it depends on the personalities involved.

Response: Age makes no difference, and the rules are the same for men as for women.

lil' ol' billy-o — Wed, 16 Nov 2005 14:09:38 -0500

About 27 years seperate my father from his wife. She’s the younger, they’ve been together for over twenty years and have two beautiful daughters. I count them amongst the happiest and well balanced of the couples I know, and man, you should see how good my old man looks at 72 - I should be so lucky.

Response: Age makes no difference, and the rules are the same for men as for women.

BenY — Wed, 16 Nov 2005 15:04:50 -0500

When you find love, grab hold of it…and enjoy the years together no matter how many or even how few for it is a rare gift.

Response: Age makes some difference; anything past 10 years should raise a serious caution, but it doesn't matter whether the woman is the older or the man is older partner.

A2 — Fri, 18 Nov 2005 09:32:02 -0500

The issue isn’t the age gap on it’s own, it’s when the relationship starts. A 26 year old with a 16 year old - fucking disgusting - a 36 year old with a 26 year old - fine.

Response: Age makes some difference; anything past 10 years should raise a serious caution, but it doesn't matter whether the woman is the older or the man is older partner.

David — Fri, 21 Apr 2006 09:15:11 -0400

As a 32 year old male considering a relationship with a 24 year old, I am quite sensitive to this topic. I do not know if pursuing this relationship would be the best course of action. Although, I am willing to give it a try. She’s relentless of her pursuit of me, and I like her alot. We have many things in common and I think thats what all relationships should be based on. What do all of you think?

Response: Age makes some difference; anything past 10 years should raise a serious caution, but it doesn't matter whether the woman is the older or the man is older partner.

Nori — Fri, 21 Apr 2006 09:49:27 -0400

If you have a lot in common, she likes you, you like her - I don’t see a problem with it. I think age shouldn’t matter as much as whether or not you actually like and respect the person.

Response: Age makes some difference; anything past 10 years should raise a serious caution, but it doesn't matter whether the woman is the older or the man is older partner.

pagan — Fri, 21 Apr 2006 10:07:55 -0400

Response: Age makes some difference; anything past 10 years should raise a serious caution, but it doesn't matter whether the woman is the older or the man is older partner.

Daisy — Thu, 11 May 2006 17:39:51 -0400

I have been dating a guy for a few months now, (he’s 26 and I’m only 16) and I understand that that’s not exactly ideal. We do seem to have much in common, however I’m not naive to the fact that he may be after one thing… I think if you are very sure about somebody, then age shouldn’t be a problem, but you should definately know them for a good while before you give anything away!!

Response: Age makes no difference, and the rules are the same for men as for women.

FuzzyD — Fri, 20 Oct 2006 22:06:40 -0400

I’m in love with someone 35 years older than myself, I’m 21.
Prior to meeting him I was against age gap relationships only because that’s what I was brought up to believe.
BenY summed it up very well. True love is a blessing few are fortunate enough to experience, if you ever find it you’d be foolish to let it go simply because society does not accept age gap relationships. There is no justifiable reason why age gap relationships should not be accepted and celebrated IF the reason for the union is LOVE.
Caution should only be raised about a relationship (of any age) if it exists only for satisfying want for wealth or physical pleasures. True love cannot exist in such relationships.

Response: Age makes some difference; anything past 10 years should raise a serious caution, but it doesn't matter whether the woman is the older or the man is older partner.

Melissa — Tue, 16 Jan 2007 17:42:31 -0500

I am 17 and I am completely with a 44 year old man. I’m willing to spend the rest of my life with him. He’s everything I could possibly want - funny, intellectual, and ever so sweet. He makes more money than most, so I’ve been called a gold-digger. He’s been called a pervert for being with a girl as young as me. Despite our age difference, we plan to stay together for a long time.

Response: Age makes no difference, and the rules are the same for men as for women.

BitterSweet07 — Tue, 16 Jan 2007 22:24:22 -0500

Meh, I don’t care. My friend is 14 and is dating some one who is 17….I mean, I wouldn’t do that…Not when we’re so young…But I think once you’re 18 it doesnt matter anymore.

Response: Age makes some difference; anything past 10 years should raise a serious caution, but it doesn't matter whether the woman is the older or the man is older partner.

Susan — Wed, 14 Mar 2007 23:46:45 -0400

i’m 16 and with a 24 year old and it’s really hard because we don’t want others seeing it. we know it’s not sociablly acceptable, but we go to the same college together, and connect on many different levels. i try not to be insecure about it, because it shows low self confidence on my half…i just wish there werent such harsh values, he thinks i’ve shown to be more mature than plenty of the 20 something year olds he’s dated…

Response: Age makes some difference; anything past 10 years should raise a serious caution, but it doesn't matter whether the woman is the older or the man is older partner.

Daisy — Wed, 25 Apr 2007 18:04:13 -0400

Yeah, ok, he turned out to be after one thing. But I’m sure it’s a bad example and there are many lovely older guys! Oh well!

Response: Age makes some difference; anything past 10 years should raise a serious caution, but it doesn't matter whether the woman is the older or the man is older partner.

Nori — Thu, 26 Apr 2007 09:42:18 -0400

Sorry you had that experience, Daisy. Hopefully you learned something along the way. Unfortunately, there are many - hear this: MANY - men that are after that and only that. It’s not entirely their fault - their brains shift into their lower anatomy…it’s genetics.

Response: Age makes some difference; anything past 10 years should raise a serious caution, but it doesn't matter whether the woman is the older or the man is older partner.

Jim — Thu, 24 May 2007 09:17:01 -0400

Hi, I’m English, male and 62 years old and am about to marry a lovely person of 42 years old. I had great worries when we first met about our age difference. And told her so, in fact quite a few times over the months, her comments were, ‘you are the one with the problem….I have no problem at all’. Yes, I found it difficult for quite a while….I always felt that everybody was looking at us and saying…not so nice things about both of us. Her commitment and love have shown me that she does not see any age difference (I’m sure she must see some), and our love has become total in everything we do and for each other. When we first got together and I told a few very close male friends, their reaction was not exactly what I expected. She’s after your money, your house, she’s good looking, so don’t kid yourself ,and much more. Everybody told me what a fool I was making of myself, and I’m putting that very nicely. For a very short while I started to think about what they had said and questionned what I was doing. I’m sure that many other people are having similar problems with, maybe family or friends and I just want to say to anyone in doubt; YOU know when things are really right, and…… as far as we know, we are only here once, real love is not something that many people are gifted with in life, certainly, not many times. And also remember, all your family and friends that are negative, are probably married and have a fair life of their own; So when that door closes in the evening, they are happy sitting with their respective partners, while you are sitting alone ! Children, this is the first time in my life that I have felt that I would like to have children with anyone. My future wife has one 20 year old son and also feels she would like a child by myself…….this is the problem with age. We have both now decided, that for US, it will not happen….I don’t think a 20 year old, would appreciate an 82 year old father….specially if he can’t play football !
I have now ,absolutely no hang-up’s about our age difference, we are both so very happy being together for as long as we are both in this world.

Be sensible, and good luck, Jim

Response: Age makes some difference; anything past 10 years should raise a serious caution, but it doesn't matter whether the woman is the older or the man is older partner.

Nori — Thu, 24 May 2007 10:58:29 -0400

Congratulations, Jim. I hope you two are very happy together for many years.

Response: Age makes some difference; anything past 10 years should raise a serious caution, but it doesn't matter whether the woman is the older or the man is older partner.

kennystreets — Thu, 24 May 2007 11:22:55 -0400

Age makes a difference, anything past ten years is a big deal. For men and women their thought process is different. Men want different goals in live as the same for women. The view on love can be the same or different was well, one wants to get married and the other one wants to go out and paint the town red. I can go on and on about this.

Response: Age makes no difference, and the rules are the same for men as for women.

leyla — Fri, 29 Jun 2007 04:22:06 -0400

I’m 20 years old, and I am into a 35 year old man. When i’m around him, i feel so happy, like nothing else in the world matters. We have so much fun together and have so much in common, and I love it. I can be my self around him and its just so comfortable. I’m just really confused though. Its easy for me to say age ain’t nothing but a number but i’m sure thats not how society is going to look at it. But at the end of the day, what should matter is your own happiness and not what people say and make you think. Everyone should just follow their hearts I guess. What do you guys think about this?

Response: Age makes no difference, and the rules are the same for men as for women.

Ass Master — Fri, 29 Jun 2007 04:50:49 -0400

It really depends on personal choice. Don’t rely on what “others” think or say. Personally, I’ve been in a relationship with women old enough or almost old enough to be my mother, and women almost young enough to be my daughter (my current main squeeze is 23 and I am 44). The younger women tend to want to go out more for fun, while the older women tend to want to stay home for fun. The older women are much better sexually than the younger women, but the younger women have more stamina (in general). Other than that, there’s no difference for me.

Response: Age makes no difference, and the rules are the same for men as for women.

Wed, 08 Aug 2007 18:05:10 -0400

hmmm… I have feelings for someone that is 34 years older than me. It’s all I can do to try and not think about him 24/7. And it is very difficult deeply caring for someone that is soo much older than you.Unless you’ve had feelings for someone who is way older or younger than you…then you have no idea what it’s like…trying to confide in other people about your feelings, but them only putting you down and shunning you. It is pretty much impossible to talk to anyone about my feelings for him because they do not in the slightest bit understand. However, they are not me.. they do not know how I truly feel. I’ve decided over and over again that my feelings for him are better kept a secret to most.And no.. I do not simply like “older” men. I have been in-love with a boy who was exactly the same age as I.So to me it seems that age doesn’t matter. All I know is that I long and pine to be with him more than anything in this entire world. Even if that means being completely misunderstood and “judged” for the rest of my life. People can think and judge you however they want… but your heart should be much more important. Only you… know what your heart longs for.

Response: Age makes no difference, and the rules are the same for men as for women.

Ken — Thu, 30 Aug 2007 18:28:58 -0400

I am a male and I am 11 years older than my partner. I was seeking a partner that I could share my life with for the rest of my/our lives. In my search I dated women from three years older to 40 years younger. I never felt age made a difference. I was looking for a connection. I felt the connection was never age important as it was goal important. I lived with a woman I was 40 years older than and we were not compatible not because of the age but because of other difference. She was a thief and a liar. Finally, I met my one true love and we have been together ever since. We have been together for years, there is not a day that goes by I do not cherish her and tell her how much I love her. Originally she was not interested in me because she thought I was too young (I have always looked younger than I am, as a kid it was curse now it is a blessing) as she was looking for someone mature. Our attraction is for each other, it is emotional not financial as neither one of us needs the other financially, which is often the case. My description of the environment is that I am a picture puzzle with a few puzzle parts missing, you can still see the picture and know what the picture is even with the parts missing but the picture is complete if those puzzle parts are there. I dated a lot of very nice and beautiful puzzle parts but none of them fit my puzzle, none of them completed my picture. She did. Funny thing is she says that my puzzle part completed her picture. Never a raised voice, never a bad day gets in our way. Keep looking and don’t let age get in the way of happiness. Look for your puzzle part, age does not matter.

Response: Age makes no difference, and the rules are the same for men as for women.

lec — Tue, 18 Sep 2007 13:33:22 -0400

Get over it, 41 yr old with a 27 yr old. I am a very young 41 yr old, she is a very mature 27 yr old. She came to me, she sought me out, I was just a friend then she wanted more, I made sure she/we were ok with the age thing, we talked about it alot, we have been together very happily for over 5 years, If anything its made me eat better, work-out more and live a more healthy life style, because I want to be there for the kids and her as long as I can, I know it’ll be challenging if I am 90 and she 76, but thats 50 years away. Its the best thing thats ever happened to both of us, she is very happy and so am I. my grandpa is 99 and my great Gma passed @ 104.

Response: Age makes no difference, and the rules are the same for men as for women.

This is Dan — Tue, 18 Sep 2007 18:50:02 -0400

I have a strong, rewarding and budding relationship with a woman 18 years my junior, and I love her dearly. She’s certainly no child, either by legal age or by personality or character or maturity or intelligence, and we love each other, I feel, for reasons that are very pure and right and good. I’m not after that “one thing” with her, which she unequivocably understands and believes, and while we’re not technically “dating” per se as of yet, through the grace of God (and Christianity is a HUGE common ground for her and I) it could develop that way one day. But even if not, she and I share the type of love that belies our age difference, we share much in common, and both of us greatly enjoy each other’s company. I can’t wait to see how things develop between her and I, and what’s always first and foremost in importance to me is her happiness. I think when two people can emotionally and spiritually commit to making each other feel special and loved and the motives behind the relationship are the right ones, age difference is really a non-issue.

Response: Age makes some difference; anything past 10 years should raise a serious caution, but it doesn't matter whether the woman is the older or the man is older partner.

sarahdarah — Wed, 03 Oct 2007 04:39:35 -0400

I’ve been with my boyfriend for 2 + years, He is 38 I’am 22. We are doing great!

Response: Age makes no difference, and the rules are the same for men as for women.

Fri, 19 Oct 2007 09:30:30 -0400

I never thought i would fall for a guy 35 years older then me. i always fancied guys that were a few years older, but i am 25 and he is 60!

when i think of 60 year olds, i think old and grey and nothing in common. But with this guy, i cant stop thinking about him. I have met him twice, and have had the most wonderful conversatins with him.

But the thing is i dont know whether i have fallen for him or what he repesents to me.

He is not the normal 60 year adults i know - people my parents age who seem to be alive but not living happily.

but with this guy, his persona is one of powerful youth. he hasnt lost the sparkle or passion for life, and he is totally excited about following his dreams.

and i am much he same - i strive to make my dreams come true, and have always thought i have but a few years in my youth to do this- yet he has shown me that even at the age of 60 i can live life to the full.

the scary thing is, i cant get over the happiness i feel when i am around him. and there is no way i would risk our friendship by telling him how amazing he makes me feel…

love, lust, passion, attraction - call it which you will… it hits you in the most unexpected ways and makes you question the norms you have believed all your life.

i may not be able to tell him or my family that i am into a 60 year old, but more importantly i dont feel ashamed in myself for finding him passionate, thoughtfull, intellectual, and above all SEXY

would i sleep with him? yes i probably would, but i wouldnt be the one to do the asking…

Response: Age makes no difference, and the rules are the same for men as for women.

Goddess — Fri, 19 Oct 2007 17:10:27 -0400

I am currently involved with a man 19 years older than me. I am 39. I have never been involved with an older man before. But, I find this man exteremely interesting at all levels. It is alright. Age does not matter. The individual matters.

Response: Age makes no difference, and the rules are the same for men as for women.

Young Love — Sun, 04 Nov 2007 01:49:34 -0400

I am dating a man 20 years older than me. I am a mature 18 and he is a young 38. I knew him way before we went out together and when he asked me out on a date, i thought the age difference would bother me, but it doesn’t. All the matters is that we have an incredible connection. I am away at school so we talk on the phone a lot and sometimes I have to remind myself that he is older than I. I have been in long relationships before when I though I was in love, but this is different. Dating someone older than you has its goods and bads. Because he is older he has more to offer as far as life style and dating and stories. It has been an amazing experience. But then you start to think about “what if he and I got serious?” Would I marry him? What about kids? These questions have crossed my mind briefly (very briefly) There is a large age difference and yes there would be some time alone when we got older, but we are talking fifty years from now and that’s a long time. By that time the kids would be long gone. So i guess age doesn’t matter. Its the connection you have, the way he/she makes you feel and how you can’t stop thinking about them. Have fun and be yourself. It’s the only way you will be happy.

Response: Age makes no difference, and the rules are the same for men as for women.

Leshell — Thu, 08 Nov 2007 13:45:07 -0500

Im 21 and Im currently dating a man 16 years older than me and Im loving it! I have dated guys my age but I always knew in my heart that I needed an older man. We laugh and have fun together and my family absolutely loves him. I personally feel that it really depends on the two individuals and their maturity levels because I wouldn’t recommend it for everyone.

Response: Age differences make a big difference; anything past three-five years should raise caution, and when there is a difference in age, it would be better for the man to be the older partner.

Nizzle — Thu, 08 Nov 2007 17:52:59 -0500

I have talked to some people in some countries that think that it’s ok for an 18 year old guy to date a 13 or 14 years old girl and such, and it apparently happens often there.. I find that utterly revolting even though I myself am a guy. That’s like a baby to me. I don’t understand how anyone who’s that old could have any sort of stimulating conversation with a person so young. It makes no sense to me. As far as the sexual aspect, I find that disgusting. That’s a little kid to me. If they’re older people, then I suppose that it’s not so odd to me.

Response: Age makes no difference, and the rules are the same for men as for women.

Lilone — Thu, 15 Nov 2007 02:11:13 -0500

well im 15,.. my mom has completely mutinied me from the family . i am dating a 24 yr old. we dont see it as a bad thing tho. he says he loves and Im sure i love him too.

As long as we dont get intimate like that..we’re fine. but feelings are feelings.

Response: Age makes no difference, and the rules are the same for men as for women.

Sun, 23 Dec 2007 21:58:56 -0500

I don’t think that age matters……i am a very mature 18 year old. My boyfriend is a very young 32 year old man….he came chasin after me even though i told him how old i was….we hung out all day long everyday and fell in love. he loves me for me and doesn’t try to use me for things that i have…like my other boyfriends that were immature and only 3 years older than me. we have moved in together and are very happy…..we hope to have a baby real soon.

Response: Age makes no difference, and the rules are the same for men as for women.

Patricia Hodges — Thu, 14 Feb 2008 05:32:33 -0500

I am IN LOVE with a man 15 years younger. He is 42. I am 57. He is also IN LOVE with me. We share many common goals and dreams. We enjoy each others company, and are VERY HAPPY together. We laugh and play, and share all aspects of “just living”. He was my daughter’s(boyfriend) for about two months. My husband at the time was dying from cancer, and, I was consummed with taking care of him until the day he died. J. would come to visit us,and was a great help in the last days of my husbands life. My husband(a much older man-77), really liked J., and one day told me that he thought that we should cling to each other after his death, that we had his blessings. I had not EVEN,nor had J., even thought about such a relationship. I had no plans of EVER being involved with another man for as long as I lived. I just wanted to be alone, but GOD had other plans for us. I know now that GOD sent this precious “young man” into my life, to show me that life does go on, and that there is TRUE LOVE with another, after the death of a spouse. However, certain ones of his family are totally against our relationship because of the age difference. J. is totally committed to me, and our love for each other is strong enough to overcome the opinions of others. My daughter is VERY HAPPY for us. She and J. were merely friends- no physical or emotional attachments during their two months dating. True Love does not care about age differences, the opinions of others, or other negative assumptions by someone else. Listen to your heart, and live EVERDAY with Love, with the one you truely love. Patricia

Response: Age makes no difference, and the rules are the same for men as for women.

Ass Master — Thu, 14 Feb 2008 08:46:12 -0500

Today I’m going to give my special Ladyfriend a Valentines Day present. I’m 20 years older than her; but she, and her parents, have no problem with the age gap. She thinks I’m fun (since I can act like a big kid at times) financially stable, and experienced in many situations she has yet to encounter. At times, I can also be like a protective father to her. She makes me feel like a young man again with her enthusiasm for life and with the coy way she flirts with me. We both have friends of the opposite sex that are our age, but the love we have for each other more than makes up for the age difference.

Response: Age makes no difference, and the rules are the same for men as for women.

JohnW — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 06:41:46 -0500

I considered myself a rational happily married man of 62. But I recently started a language course and my teacher is only 29 but I havee fallen for her so completely that I feel depressed when not in her company. She often eats at a small restaurnt after class and has invited me to join her on several occasions plus we always walk into town together(about 2 miles) after lessons just chatting. I wonder if she could ever care for me or is she just being kind?

Response: Age makes no difference, and the rules are the same for men as for women.

assmaster — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 10:16:34 -0500

Hey John. I can definitely say that some women absolutely love older men (and some women like younger men…I’ve experienced them both). Try to take the relationship further. She can either accept or decline; what have you got to lose, and what could you gain?

Response: Age differences make a big difference; anything past three-five years should raise caution, and when there is a difference in age, it would be better for the man to be the older partner.

June — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 14:36:54 -0400

I was not with my boyfriend at the time he dated a 16 year old, at that time he was 44 a 28 yr difference, he is now 57. We got together at his age 54 and I 50 in July 2004. Altogether he has 16 children with 7 different women that I know of. From what I know ALL his women are like 10 yrs or more younger. I know this man has been with multiple multiple women. I don’t know why I’m attracted to him, his past tells alot about him. Then I learned of this very young girl which now I can’t get out of my mind. I try to but it ownes me. I’m sure I am jealous because I can feel it and I hate him for it. Can someone love someone and at the same time hate him for all his (women) actions? I know also he has to have sex frequently, if not he is offended or used to get mad. He also has a womens name tattood on his penis. I want to be happy with him but what all I know about him haunts me. Am I that vulnerable or just as sick and don’t want to see it.

Response: Age makes no difference, and the rules are the same for men as for women.

VioletO — Thu, 05 Jun 2008 15:34:18 -0400

Unfortunately JohnW does have something to lose. He mentioned that he thought he was a “happily married man”. What about his wife?
I can’t judge. I’m in a similar situation. It’s almost like I didn’t realize how unhappy I was with my husband until I met this guy who’s 18 yrs younger. I knew I was unhappy, but just not this much. I feel like I’m alive again. Unlike my husband, J. doesn’t ignore my feelings, or put me down. On the contrary, he treats me with respect, gentleness and love. Now I just need to figure out what I want to do about it.

Posting: Partners and Age Differences

Mary — Wed, 16 Nov 2005 00:07:14 -0500

What do you think? Should a difference in age be a determining factor in making a committment to a long-range relationship? Do the same “rules” apply for men as for women? How much “difference” is too much difference?

Thanks, folks, for your response on this! I’m glad for the help. -mg